So Hard to Say "I'm Sorry"

I am wrapping up a workshop on writing wrongs and am now certain of three things about apology and forgiveness:First, to feel sorry  - or to need an apology  - is uniquely human.Second, saying you are sorry – or that you forgive - is really hard.And finally, apologizing and forgiving can be expressed artfully and in infinite ways.It’s this last point that got my attention, as well as for the writers in my workshop.What a rich topic to explore! It’s a subject that never gets old; as true to the zeitgeist of today as it is of yesterday.Saying we are sorry – or granting forgiveness - can be a thorny proposition. But exploring it in words can coax out the color, the bud. If we’re lucky, the flower.If more of us give it a go, who knows? We might be able to populate more gardens, seeded with love.To get a taste for how magnificently the subject can be addressed in words  - as well as animation – I share just a few materials that we relied on for our discussions and writing prompts that ranged from Ta-Nehisi Coates to Bo Jack Horseman.One or more of these is likely to move you. I encourage you to let it.“I’m sort of sorry.”Bo Jack Horseman  comes to Herb’s death bed to apologize, but it doesn’t go well.“You should feel sorry.”Ta-Nehisi Coates describes what not feeling safe can look like in his own neighborhood.“I forgive you and I understand.”Sarah Vowell sees herself in her dad, in spite of their vast differences. “I am sorry but I want to do better.”On her Facebook page last fall, Elizabeth Gilbert, offered a profound self-integrity check. 

• Did I give Bill Clinton a complete and total pass on being a lying skank about women, because he was my guy and I liked his politics? Answer: Yes.
• Do I preach love and courage and peace and inclusion, but then use my social media platforms to spew rage and fear and panic and condemnation? Do I constantly use the language of war, with the delusion that this will somehow lead to peace? Answer: Yes.
• Do I make blanket proclamations about how “we women are angry,” or “we women will rise up and take our revenge” — ignoring the fact that literally millions of women have completely different beliefs from me? Answer: yes.

Interested in future writing workshops?

In March: “Reading and Writing the Personal Essay”

Also in March: “Essay as Song: What Essayists Can Learn from the Songwriters”

In April: “Writing for Personal Discovery: Making Art from Life”

For more workshop info, click here.

Photo by Ellen Blum Barish. Copyright 2018